(if you’re seeing this on Facebook it’s because I have my blog automatically linked to it)
It wasn’t even a big deal. It wasn’t even my opinion, I was just sharing it, and some people I don’t know stated their opinions respectfully. But I hate being lectured. I really do. And someone told me to wear a face mask, quarantine, and only go out for essential items. I explained that I was doing that for 50 days. A very close friend who has always supported me defended them, saying they weren’t correcting me, just saying what they planned to do. I got really emotional anyway. I tried to take a nap, which is what my coping mechanism is when I’m sad, but my mind was whirling.
I saw this tweet:
Seems like everyone is starting to lose it…
… so really, please, don’t judge yourself if you’re starting to lose it too.
— Hannah Hart (@harto) May 5, 2020
and thought to myself, am I losing it, too? I started looking around my bedroom and told myself I need to go somewhere. But there is nowhere to go.
I’ve always hated Facebook (not my Facebook page, for those of you from there reading this, you guys are amazing and I love you) but have kept it for the page and for the friends who don’t use Twitter or Instagram. I also have a schizophrenia group there. But it’s so… judgy and arguey. Like people love that reply button so much, because they can just correct you with their opinions all day long.
I’ve never deleted Facebook before. Like I said I want to stay in contact with long-time friends who are only there. But my friend takes a break from Instagram sometimes, usually a month-long break, because it restorative for her. I could never delete Instagram because I love it too much, but I can delete Facebook I guess. I thought of those people who post “I hate Facebook, I’m deleting it!” only to return two days later, so I didn’t say anything. I just deleted the apps from my phone. (I hate Facebook messenger too. Just text me, my goodness.)
I don’t know why I’m so emotional over a mild annoyance. I’m so good at shrugging these things off. I usually don’t even respond. Sometimes I like their comment to make them think they are right and move on. But not this time. I actually cried, telling myself, “how dare they assume that I’m not keeping my loved ones and myself safe or that I agree that we shouldn’t open the country too quickly”. I shared someone else’s opinion, not mine. They could have asked what my opinion was before responding. But the truth is, they didn’t care. Not everyone has emotional intelligence like I do, I know that.
I don’t know how long I’ll keep it deleted for. It’s such a habit to log in to Facebook every day and scroll and scroll. But right now it’s good for my mental health, I think. This pandemic has me a bit depressed. Do what’s good for you, too.